Slideshow image

This past Sunday (May 10, Mother's Day) we were talking about the relationship between parents and children. From Ephesians 6:1-14 we heard that the 2 things children are called to do is "obey" and "honour."

After the sermon someone challenged on the notion of obedience. What I heard them say was that we should not teach children to obeying parents but rather to help children do the "good and right." Teaching children to obey parents is not helpful because parents themselves are fallible and do not know everything perfectly.

These are certainly good points and they helped me think and reflect on this theme. I wish that I had said and added the following things in Sunday's sermon:

1. Obedience is a word that is found throughout the Bible. To do away with this word would be to totally reimagine what our relationship between God and us is. I am not eager to do that.

2. Although many see obedience as a bad word, in the story of the Bible is seen as a good and life-giving word. In the Bible obedience is meant to be connected to "love" for God and Jesus (Deuteronomy 11:1; Psalm 119:167; John 14:23). Obedience is connected to "life" (1 Kings 3:14).

3. Children obeying parents (like people obeying God) should not be thought of as people obeying a dictator. Dictators bark out orders and do not have the best interest of their citizens in mind. On the other hand, God does not bark out orders and always has our good in mind.

4. Obedience is not the end we are after but rather the means to a healthy, joyful and holy relationship. What we want most of all is not simply obedience ("Do that," "Don't do that") but the blessing, life, love and joy that comes from and through obedience.

5. Obedience to parents when we are young helps us later on in life in our relationship with teachers, employers, government officials, etc.

6. Obedience to parents when we are young is meant to help us learn what it looks and feels like to obey God in a healthy and joyful way.

7. Obedience is similar to "following" someone's direction, advise and counsel. Thus being a disciple of Jesus is about "following" or "obeying" Jesus.

8. We are always obeying someone or something: God, ourselves, a guru, the latest fad, etc. So the question is not: "Are you obeying someone or something?" but "Who or what are you obeying?" (I get this insight from Pastor Darrell Johnson in his book Discipleship On The Edge).

9. Parents call their children to obey them in the context of "teaching and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). Thus parents should teach their children that their ultimate obedience is to God and Jesus Christ (as should be true of all relationships of authority and leadership). In this regard part of what parents teach their children is that the parents are not always right, they are not God. Thus, there needs to be regular times of humility, confession and forgiveness between parents and children.

This is certainly not everything that could or should be said about children obeying parents but they are things that I wish that I had said in that message.